The Simple Shift That Turns Struggles into Solutions
A young leader walked into his mentor’s office, exhausted from a long week of challenges.
“I feel stuck,” he admitted. “No matter how much I talk about these problems, I don’t feel any better.”
His mentor listened, then asked a simple question:
"Are you venting, or are you problem-solving?"
It stopped the young leader in his tracks. He had been so focused on sharing his struggles—seeking empathy, validation, and a sense of connection—that he hadn't moved toward any real solutions.
This is the trap so many of us fall into.
Chatter—the negative loop of internal dialogue—keeps us stuck unless we learn to guide it.
The Problem: When Talking Keeps You Stuck
From Chatter, we’ve learned:
The more intense our emotions, the more we feel the need to share. But excessive venting doesn’t actually reduce stress—it amplifies it.
Seeking empathy alone isn’t enough. Without problem-solving, conversations become an echo chamber of negativity.
Leaders must balance validation with perspective shifting—helping others zoom out, reframe their situation, and take action.
A great example of these problem-solving behaviors in action are found in the FBI’s Behavioral Change Model:
Active Listening → Empathy → Rapport → Influence → Behavioral Change
The goal isn’t just to listen—it’s to help people move forward.
The Shift: How Steady Leaders Break the Chatter Loop
1. Use Distanced Self-Talk
Instead of saying, “Why am I struggling with this?” try, “What advice would I give a friend in this situation?” Studies show that shifting from “I” to “you,” or even using your name, creates instant emotional distance and clearer thinking.
2. Normalize Struggles, Then Reframe Them
Remind yourself (and others) that challenges aren’t personal—they’re universal. Instead of saying, “I always get stuck on this,” say, “Many leaders face this challenge. What’s a proven way to navigate it?”
3. Move from Emotion to Execution
When listening to a team member (or your own internal dialogue), ask:
What’s within our control?
What’s one step forward?
What would the wisest version of me do?
The Steady Leader doesn’t get stuck in the problem. They lead through it.
A Challenge for You
This week, when faced with chatter—whether your own or someone else’s—pause. Instead of staying in the cycle of venting, try guiding the conversation toward action.
Not with empty optimism, but with wisdom, perspective, and forward motion.
Because true leadership isn’t just about listening—it’s about leading people to clarity and action.
Written by Schuyler Williamson
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God Bless!
~ Schuyler Williamson