How to Outsmart Your Inner Critic: Solomon’s Paradox
"We don’t see ourselves with the same clarity that we see others."
This simple truth—known as Solomon’s Paradox—explains why we can give wise, measured advice to a friend but struggle to manage our own self-talk. When we’re caught in the moment, emotions cloud our thinking, and our inner voice often turns from coach to critic.
The past week’s reading of Chatter shared some powerful insight into how our inner dialogue shapes our leadership posture, decisions, and relationships. Author Ethan Kross shares that we now know:
Negativity narrows our perspective—when we ruminate, we zoom in so close that we magnify adversity instead of solving problems.
Strong emotions distort decision-making—stress, doubt, and anxiety hijack our executive function, making it harder to see solutions.
Distance creates clarity—when we step outside ourselves, we gain wisdom, composure, and the ability to act with purpose.
The Cost of Letting Chatter Take Control
Think about a time when your inner voice held you back. Maybe it convinced you that you weren’t ready for an opportunity, or it replayed a mistake long after it should have been left behind. That chatter didn’t help—rather, it distracted, drained, and discouraged.
For leaders, unchecked negative thoughts don’t just impact personal performance; they affect teams, culture, and results. The Steady Leader doesn’t just silence negativity—they redirect it.
How to Break Free from Negative Chatter
Here are three proven tactics from Chatter that will help you quiet the noise and lead with clarity:
1. Get Some Distance—Talk to Yourself Like a Mentor
When facing a challenge, imagine giving advice to a friend in your situation. This simple shift—called distanced self-talk—reduces emotional intensity and boosts objectivity. Instead of thinking, "I'm overwhelmed," reframe it as, "What should I do next?"
Try this: The next time negative chatter kicks in, speak to yourself in the third person—"Schuyler, what’s the next best step?" This psychological trick puts you in the mindset of a personal coach rather than your strongest critic.
2. Zoom Out—Will This Matter in a Year?
Negativity thrives when we believe a moment is permanent. But studies show that when people are asked how they’ll feel about a problem ten years from now, their stress immediately decreases. This is called temporal distancing, and it’s a tool used by every great leader.
Try this: When stress mounts, ask yourself: "Will this matter in a month? A year? A decade?" This zoomed-out perspective pulls you out of an emotionally-focused state and into one framed by perspective and wisdom.
3. Reframe Adversity—Find the Gift in the Challenge
Negative thoughts often center around what we lose in hard moments. But research shows that people who reframe setbacks as growth opportunities have lower stress and better long-term outcomes.
Try this: Instead of saying, "This is frustrating," reframe it as, "This is refining me." Challenges are training—every setback is a chance to sharpen skills, build resilience, and step into your next level of leadership.
The Steady Leader’s Mindset
Leadership isn’t about avoiding negative thoughts—it’s about mastering them. The next time your mind spirals, don’t just listen to the noise. Step back, get perspective, and redirect your focus toward action.
You’re up next. What’s one mindset shift that’s helped you lead with more clarity? I’d love to hear from you.
Written by Schuyler Williamson
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God Bless!
~ Schuyler Williamson