Pain and Pleasure Must be Managed

Jan 27

A handful of things have happened to me this week that I don’t believe are coincidences; I think that I am being told to write about this particular topic today. Not only did multiple friends need to hear a bit of this for guidance this week, but I also read a chapter in Discipline is Destiny entitled, “The Battle Against Pain.” Holiday’s chapter on pain reminded me that steady leadership requires protecting our minds, understanding the root causes of challenges, and doing the hard work to heal and grow. Pain affects more than just our bodies. Though pain – and its counterpart, pleasure – are felt physically, they both affect our mood, our mindset, and our temperament. All three are extremely critical for leaders. As leaders, our number one job is to think, make decisions, and communicate. So, protecting our mental clarity and emotional steadiness enables us to be our best as thinkers, decision makers, and communicators.

Big or small, feelings can drive pain or pleasure to the extremes if left unchecked. Here are four steps I take to manage the feelings that come into my daily life:

Be grateful for the feeling – every feeling.
Your body, when operating properly, produces feelings to keep you safe and optimized. Be grateful for each feeling. Resist the urge to lean into the trap of allowing your feelings to make you feel ashamed, mad, or resentful.
Explore the meaning of the feeling.
Every feeling we have is for a reason. During your meditation time, think through the feelings you are having on a daily basis and try to explore the meaning of each. What is your body trying to tell you right now? Lean into the feeling with curiosity to try to understand it, rather than fight it.
Use the feeling for good.
Once you understand what your body is trying to tell you through the experience of that feeling, USE IT to be productive. You might use it to grow yourself personally, or you might even be gifted the opportunity to use the understanding of a certain feeling to help others. Once you have been through a difficult or formative experience personally, you can help others through a similar experience just through the lessons you’ve learned by exploring your own feelings.
Let time work its magic.
As you use those feelings for good, just let time do its work. Now, there certainly is no magic pill to relieve pain; but time – and the understanding that comes with greater time – allows you to handle feelings better and better as time goes on. Time will do its job and you have to trust in that. But you also must do the first three steps for time to adequately be able to do its job for you.

Author Ryan Holiday said, “pain isn’t always our fault; but our response to it is.” Masking pain with distractions, substances, or shortcuts only delays the inevitable – more pain. Steady leaders don’t escape; they confront challenges head-on and work toward real solutions to heal from their pain. I challenge you to not run away from your feelings and your pain. Confront them, manage them, and protect your temperament at all costs.

Pope John Paul II reminded us that temperance means resisting the urge to dull our consciousness. True growth comes from digging deep, addressing root causes, and improving a little every day. Therapy, self-reflection, and intentional action are part of the work that makes us stronger.

Steady leadership is about resilience—not avoiding pain, but working through it with clarity and purpose. When we protect our minds and approach challenges holistically, we grow stronger for ourselves and those we lead.