Habits of the Household: Marriage and Choosing Partners
This week’s reading of Habits of the Household focused on habits of marriage. The author asserts, “It is a terrible fiction to imagine we can be good mothers and fathers without being good husbands and wives.” This section reminds readers that attending to your marriage and practicing covenant love matters most above all else in your home.
Now, I understand that covenant love needs to be defined. Love itself is typically defined as a “feeling.” When we talk about love as a feeling, it is more of a selfish definition – it is something that you get to experience personally. And when you define love in that regard, it is conditional. It is predicated on a transactional relationship – if you don’t give me this to make me love you, then I won’t love you. Covenant love, however, is completely the opposite of love as a feeling. Covenant love says, “I love you despite what it costs me.” Love defined in this way is a promise – I am going to love you in sickness and in health; I am going to love you for richer or poorer, for better or worse, until death do us part. This type of love is an action; it is a commitment to someone that you are relinquishing your freedom. You are surrendering to that love so that it can flourish. When you practice covenant love, there is no quit. There is no expectation from someone to exert proportional effort to deserve it. You just give your love freely.
These definitions of love in a committed relationship make me think about partners outside the home, as well. I believe your spouse is the most important partner you will ever choose in your life. But I also think that partners in your professional life matter a great deal. Here are three things I believe make great partners just through my experience of having partners in business and investments:
They exhibit integrity, intelligence, and motivation. These qualities are actually the same exact things that make an employee great. To me, these are the building blocks of a strong and productive professional relationship. Your partner needs to be someone who is going to do the right thing when you are not around; someone intelligent enough to problem solve and make sound decisions in line with the vision and mission of the company; someone who is motivated to achieve, at least, similarly to you so that you are moving at the same speed and desire.
2. They are a thinker. It is no surprise to the people reading this email that I believe strong leaders are thinkers. I think great partners are thinkers, too. This means that they are not surprised by much. They are understanding; they are thoughtful before they act; they think constructively about how their words are going to motivate or disrupt others before they speak. All of this thinking not only makes for a smooth and fruitful relationship, it also provides grace between partners. I think every relationship requires a certain level of grace – because you are not going to win every time. There will be losses and setbacks, and if you are always thinking, you will see those coming, you will understand why such things happen, and you will give your partner grace. If you have wisely chosen a person of integrity, intelligence and motivation, you understand they would never do something selfishly or wrong just because and they are not lazy. When your partner is a thinker, they are not a blamer; and constructive conversations and actions will always prevail.
3.They are loving. People who lead with love understand that it’s not all about them. They want the best for you and your family just like you want the best for them. When you come together, there is no room for selfish initiatives in your partnership. If anything, your partner may seek to give too much away to you because they care about you just as much as they care about themselves. I think love is a core ingredient in a great partnership.
When you are choosing your next partnership, or even evaluating your current partnerships, I challenge you to look at these three areas. Ensure the people you are aligning your life with exhibit these clearly before you create something that will bind you together for years into the future. If chosen well, a great partner makes you a better person – professionally and personally. Be discerning and choose wisely.
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Written by Schuyler Williamson
REALTOR. Leader. Veteran. Business Owner. Investor.
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God Bless!
~ Schuyler Williamson