The Hardest Leadership Lesson I Learned in Combat
One of my greatest lessons in life came from my time in the US Army when I asked so much from my soldiers in a combat environment that I almost drove them to the point of complete mental destruction. And I didn’t do this knowingly as a leader; I just set the pace too high, and I expected my team to follow me. I thought that everyone would be able to rise up and operate at my pace and share my same standards because our lives were at stake together fighting the enemy. But the problem was that we were not all the same. My soldiers each had a different level of endurance than I had. And the harsh reality I learned in this environment was that it is not fair for me, as their leader, to expect from my team the same that I expect from myself. It’s not fair in combat, nor is it fair in my civilian businesses today.
In Discipline Is Destiny, author Ryan Holiday does a beautiful job writing about this:
“Ben Franklin [put forth a rule], ‘Search others for their virtues, thyself for thy vices.’ Or as Marcus Aurelius put it, Tolerant with others, strict with yourself. The only person you get to be truly hard on is you. It will take every ounce of self-control to enforce that – not because it’s hard to be hard on yourself, but because it’s so hard to let people get away with things you’d never allow in yourself. To let them do things you know are bad for them, to let them slack off when you see so much more in them.
But you have to. Because their life is not in your control.
Because you’ll burn yourself out if you can’t get to a place where you live and let live.
Credit them for trying. Credit them for context. Forgive. Forget. Help them get better, if they’re open to the help.”
It is imperative that leaders lead with love. And one of the inherent things we do for those we love is give them grace. When you know your team is truly giving you all they have, when you know they have made mistakes while trying to deliver their best effort, show them grace. Give them the grace you would give your spouse. Acknowledge their effort; share with them how much you appreciate how hard they worked, and then help them get better. Help them to shift that failure into an opportunity to learn and grow. Help them work through it to sharpen their effectiveness. Go through the learning process together: review the plan, the efforts made, what actually happened, and the lessons learned. Motivate them to continue to keep up the effort and the level of care they are already putting forth.
DO NOT chastise someone; DO NOT treat them harshly; DO NOT expect the same thing of others as you do from yourself. It is not fair or productive. And it is actually the best way for you to alienate yourself from your people.
“What’s up to us is that we are good. That we do right. That we conquer ourselves. We can’t force anyone else to do the same. But we can plant a seed. We can rest comfortably in our destiny, knowing that, eventually, inevitably, it’ll make a difference for someone. Because like courage, there is something contagious about discipline.
The fire within us can burn bright enough to warm others. The light within us can illuminate the path for others. What we accomplish can make things possible for others.”
Steady leaders live by the principle of self-mastery. Rule yourself before you lead others. Serve instead of demand. And meet every challenge with grace, clarity, and purpose.
Written by Schuyler Williamson
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God Bless!
~ Schuyler Williamson