The Leadership Battle in Your Mind: How to Take Control of Your Inner

Mar 10

We talk to ourselves more than anyone else. But have you ever stopped to consider how you talk to yourself? Your inner voice has the power to guide you toward clarity—or spiral you into doubt and distraction. This week, my reading from Chatter by Ethan Kross revealed just how much influence our thoughts have over our decisions, our confidence, and even our relationships.

In his book, acclaimed psychologist Ethan Kross interweaves groundbreaking behavioral and brain research from his own lab with real-world case studies to warn us that giving in to negative and disorienting self-talk – what he calls “chatter” – “can tank our health, sink our moods, strain our social connections, and cause us to fold under pressure.” Kross argues that the most important conversation we have each day is the one we have ourselves. I certainly subscribe to this idea, as well; in fact, the entire first third of my own book focuses on the importance of leading yourself first.

The Battle in Your Mind

Your mind is always running. Up to 50% of our waking hours are spent lost in thought—reliving past conversations, rehearsing future challenges, or worrying about things we can’t control. This default mode is natural, but left unchecked, it turns into chatter—a cycle of overthinking, stress, and self-doubt that can drain your energy and cloud your judgment.

The problem? Your inner voice doesn’t just stay in your head. It influences:

Your Decisions → Self-doubt and negative chatter make you hesitate, second-guess, or avoid taking action.
Your Relationships → When you're lost in your own thoughts, you're less present with others.
Your Joy → Rumination keeps you focused on problems instead of possibilities.

How to Lead Your Mind with Awareness

Steady Leaders don’t let their inner voice run the show. They lead their thoughts the way they lead their teams—with clarity, discipline, and intention. Here’s how you can do the same:

Recognize the Chatter → Start noticing when your thoughts spiral. Are you replaying the past? Worrying about the future? Simply labeling your thoughts as "chatter" gives you the awareness to redirect them.
Shift from First-Person to Third-Person Thinking → Studies show that talking to yourself like you would a friend ("You’ll figure this out" instead of "I can’t do this") reduces stress and improves decision-making.
Control Your Inputs → Your environment shapes your inner voice. If you surround yourself with negativity—news, social media, toxic conversations—you feed the chatter. If you fill your mind with wisdom and truth, you strengthen clarity.
Use Your Inner Coach, Not Your Inner Critic → Instead of beating yourself up, guide yourself forward. Ask: What’s the next best move? What would a wise leader do here?

The Takeaway: Lead the Story in Your Mind

Your thoughts will either work for you or against you—the choice is yours. The POWER is yours. Leading your mind with intention is what separates the distracted from the disciplined, the anxious from the assured.